How?

I’m sure at one time you have wondered how on Earth You got somewhere.  I had that thought one day while waiting to attend a Great Banquet.  “Wait a minute, what am I doing here?  What was I thinking?  Why did I agree to this?”  I started feeling my face get hot and I had this urge to bolt. I felt it best to stay put and not draw any attention to myself and besides my husband and neighbor were sitting right next to me.  I am usually a person who follows through; if I say I will do something I give it my best to make sure I see it through to the end.  I had agreed to attend this 72-hour retreat with no phones, no concept of time, no children, no husband, and in a room with 74 other women that I did not know.  How did I get myself in this situation, completely and totally out of my comfort zone?  I can’t divulge too much about the banquet as it is a unique and spiritually uplifting experience and I would hate if I biased someone or set unreal expectations.  Every person who attends one of these weekends will have a completely different experience.  So if you haven’t gone to one, GO!  (By the way these weekends go by different names depending where you live and what church you attend.  (ie: Great Banquet, Walk to Emmaus, Cursillo, Disciple Walk, Journey, and Tres Dias just to name a few.)

So imagine if you will, I am a new Christian (I’ll tell that story later) and I am now thrown into a weekend with a bunch of other women and I’m thinking, “I’m a fraud.  They’re going to figure out I don’t belong here.”  I stayed.  Had no idea why, but I would later.  I can tell you that they have speakers that give real, personal, and soul-bearing testimonies about God’s grace, God’s love, and God’s forgiveness.  One of the talks spoke directly to my heart.  She spoke about postpartum depression and how she didn’t want to even hold her son.  She questioned why she became a mother.  My heart broke as I experienced the same thing after my son was born.  At that time he was almost 14 and I had not forgiven myself for it.  She spoke about being in a pit and that if we let Him, God will reach down and take us out of that pit and He will show us His grace, His love, and His forgiveness.  I cried so much I couldn’t see anymore and that weekend I realized after listening to all of the women who told their stories that He loves me and He forgives me.  I couldn’t understand why and surely did not feel worthy of any of it, yet I knew it was true.  A lot of my issues were brought into the light that weekend and I’m forever grateful that He invited me to come and I accepted.