Who?

Who am I?  A perplexing question for me; who am I?  I thought I knew at one time.  I was a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a friend, and I a career woman as well.  Things started to change and I decided I didn’t want to have a “career”.  I just wanted to be a wife and mother, a homemaker (can’t stand that word).  Then we moved across the country and I was thrown for a loop.  I could now make friends and they didn’t have to know anything about my past, they would have no preconceived notions of whom I am.  This was freeing or so I thought.  I even dyed my blonde hair a dark brown, just to get rid of the old me.  Funny, the old me didn’t go away.  I still had my insecurities, my faults, my anger, my unforgiving nature, and my middle name was still WORRY.  How did this happen? I was sure I left all my baggage in California, somewhere between the Pacific Ocean and the Sierra Nevada Mountains. 

I decided that I needed to go back to school and get my bachelor’s degree, so I did.  I went to an online school and graduated with all A’s and one B, (I despised Sociology).  That was remarkable for me as I barely made B’s and C’s for most of my academic career.  I was sure that since I obtained a “higher” education, I could finally fulfill my dream of being a teacher.  Well, somewhere along my path I became a germaphobe.  I cringed at the thought of all those runny-nosed, coughing, breathing my air children and quickly let that dream go.  Who am I if a career, or being the best mom, or being a super wife does not define me?  My answer came to me in what I consider a very unlikely place. 

I was not raised in a church, although I was baptized as a child and would occasionally attend with my grandmother and later with my in-laws.  I never saw the point.  It seemed all about tradition and in no way did that relate to my life and me.  My husband and I did have our children baptized, I think mainly out of respect for my in-laws and just in case.  If something happened to our babies I didn’t want them not go to heaven because I didn’t baptize them.  When we got to Indiana we met a neighbor and after several months we decided to attend a non-denominational Christian church with her. (The story is much longer, but I’ll save it for another entry.)  She also invited us to attend a Great Banquet, which we said, “OK, why not.”  We had no idea how it would change us……..

Where?

I was born in the beautiful city of San Francisco, so by default I'm a California girl.  What's strange is that I never felt like I belonged in California.  Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful place to live and I grew up in a very nice area; I just didn't fit in well with the people there.  I was very lucky to grow up around my family, my mom comes from six kids and needless to say I have lots of cousins.  My parents still live in the same house that they moved into in 1975, which seems to be rare these days.  I finished high school and went on to a community college, where I met a wonderful man, who would turn out to be even a more wonderful husband.  We moved around a bit, but still within an hour of my parents, until April of 2007.  His employer offered us an opportunity to get out of California and head for the Midwest.  There was no hesitation and we were off to Indiana. 


We have two children, a boy and a girl, and we knew this was a door opening for them to have a much better education and a safe place to grow up. I was also hoping that they would develop a social life.  Where we lived was like living in a compound, I never felt safe to let the kids anywhere but the yard or out front with supervision.  Most of their classmates’ parents worked and as a result of that were “latch key kids”.  It made it difficult to have friends over to play.  It was very sad.


One of the first things I noticed about the neighborhood where we were going to live is that hardly anyone had a fence.  You could walk through everyone’s yard, how bizarre.  Within a couple of hours of arriving in Indiana to our rental home, we met a neighbor with two children in the same grade as ours and two younger children.  You could tell she was meant to be a mom.  God makes these wonderful nurturing women who just ooze kindness, patience, and love.  I don’t feel I’m one of them.  Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom and would not trade it for anything, but I am not one of those moms. 


 Something that I noticed right away is that there are many different "critters" in these parts.  We have a resident chipmunk that loves to climb the pole and get into the birdseed, regardless of the obstacles we put in its way.  We have rabbits that leave their prints in the snow, so adorable.  In fact one baby rabbit fell into the basement well window and my daughter had to pick it up and let him back into the yard.  I’ve seen all kinds of birds from big, plump robins, cardinals, and hawks.  We also have these disgusting bugs called Cicadas; they give me the heebee geebees.  During the summer it sounds like a horror movie with those bugs.  Oh, we are lucky to have fireflies out here too. 


I’ve really enjoyed the change of scenery here and I especially like that we have four seasons.  The biggest change didn’t come from the meeting the people here, or the critters, or the seasons; something changed my heart forever…