Who?

Who am I?  A perplexing question for me; who am I?  I thought I knew at one time.  I was a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a friend, and I a career woman as well.  Things started to change and I decided I didn’t want to have a “career”.  I just wanted to be a wife and mother, a homemaker (can’t stand that word).  Then we moved across the country and I was thrown for a loop.  I could now make friends and they didn’t have to know anything about my past, they would have no preconceived notions of whom I am.  This was freeing or so I thought.  I even dyed my blonde hair a dark brown, just to get rid of the old me.  Funny, the old me didn’t go away.  I still had my insecurities, my faults, my anger, my unforgiving nature, and my middle name was still WORRY.  How did this happen? I was sure I left all my baggage in California, somewhere between the Pacific Ocean and the Sierra Nevada Mountains. 

I decided that I needed to go back to school and get my bachelor’s degree, so I did.  I went to an online school and graduated with all A’s and one B, (I despised Sociology).  That was remarkable for me as I barely made B’s and C’s for most of my academic career.  I was sure that since I obtained a “higher” education, I could finally fulfill my dream of being a teacher.  Well, somewhere along my path I became a germaphobe.  I cringed at the thought of all those runny-nosed, coughing, breathing my air children and quickly let that dream go.  Who am I if a career, or being the best mom, or being a super wife does not define me?  My answer came to me in what I consider a very unlikely place. 

I was not raised in a church, although I was baptized as a child and would occasionally attend with my grandmother and later with my in-laws.  I never saw the point.  It seemed all about tradition and in no way did that relate to my life and me.  My husband and I did have our children baptized, I think mainly out of respect for my in-laws and just in case.  If something happened to our babies I didn’t want them not go to heaven because I didn’t baptize them.  When we got to Indiana we met a neighbor and after several months we decided to attend a non-denominational Christian church with her. (The story is much longer, but I’ll save it for another entry.)  She also invited us to attend a Great Banquet, which we said, “OK, why not.”  We had no idea how it would change us……..